Werner Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
What do you get when you combine a 30-mph car and a geese flying 10-mph West?
ERROR: You can't add scalar and vector quantities
Two atoms bump into each other.
"Are you okay, buddy?", asks the first atom.
"I lost an electron" replies the second atom.
The first atom asks "Are you sure?"
The second atom snarls, "I'm positive!"
Susan was in chemistry,
Susan is no more.
For what she thought was H2O,
Johnny, feeling life a bore,
Drank some H2SO4.
Johnny's father, an MD,
Gave him CaCO3.
Now he's neutralized, it's true,
But now he's full of CO2!
Jokes about cobalt, radon and yttrium are so CoRnY
René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey pal, want a beer?"
Descartes replies "I think not." and disappears.